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Subject:King of carrot flowers.
Time:02:46 pm
Whenever I look at somebody who is really thin it makes me jealous.
New people are coming to the ED clinic and they are going to be stick thin.
Why do I feel jealous when I see someone dying,
when I see a holocaust victim?
Ladicious (My eating disorder)
tells me I should be the thinnest in the world.
He says I should be on a tube in bed.
He says I can't get better before I get to 60 pounds.
I try to fight these thoughts.
It is really very hard.
I want to be better.
I want to be better.
I want to have a normal life.
My thoughts scare me.
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Subject:This is my first post.
Time:02:43 pm
Before I had used this site for pro ana chatting.
I have been in an eating disorders clinic for months and have gained 22 pounds.
I am finally getting out and going back to school but I still need a lot of support.
I was 5'4" and 99 pounds.
I wanted to get to 60 pounds and was determined.
Now I am eating but I still have a lot of trouble with my thoughts and urges.
I want to fast and be the thinnest person in the world.
I am working very hard to get out of this frame of mind.
I do it for my family, friends, boyfriend, and finally myself.
But why have I gotten sick?
And is it genetic?
I am worried my sister will go through the same thing.
I have ED-NOS, MDD and Aspergers.
I am an anorexic except for loss of menstration.
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Subject:New.
Time:05:57 am
 Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Niki
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Time:01:12 am
Hello. I'm Kelly, 22, recovered for a few years now, but I still slip toward the old behaviors and thoughts. I had ED-NOS, technically, but I fit all the criteria for anorexia nervosa except for loss of menstruation.

Anyway, lately, I've been losing weight without meaning to, and it's freaking me out. It's not like I'm trying to or anything, and it's loss of control in a different way than my ED was. Has anyone else had this happen? How did you cope with it?
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Subject:Starting a blog
Time:09:07 am
I've decided to start a blog where I can talk about my thoughts and experiences to do with eating disorders. I wanted it to be separate from my livejournal account, which I use mainly for communicating with my friends.

There's not a lot there at the moment, but I plan on updating it regularly. Please take a look and tell me what you think.

http://stillhopingstilleating.blogspot.com/
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Subject:Fitness test
Time:12:18 pm
I had a fitness test this morning. I've done well enough that I actually got a hug from the lady running the test for making so much improvement. The hug caught me a bit of guard, but I was pleased.

My blood pressure's a little low, but a long way from being dangerous.

My maximum and recovery heart rates from the step test are miles better than the test six months ago (the heart monitor wouldn't read me at the test three months ago, so those results weren't accurate).

According to the body composition analysis, I'm only about 4 kg of fat away from being in the normal categories.

My lean weight (that's everything but the fat) is right in the middle of the normal category now, which means I have a good amount of muscle.

The results aren't perfect, but looking at the feedback sheet compared to the last two tests, I'm feeling very happy with myself.

Now, I'm going to go get something nicely ballanced for lunch.
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Subject:I'm new...
Time:06:57 pm
Hay, I decided to try and turn my life around (with the help of my bf) today, lierally, but I could do with some help. I am/used to be (???) ana and I'm trying to eat again. But ts hard, the cal content is printed on EVERYTHING and then I think I can't eat that, too many cals ARGH this is soooo hard. I thought NOT eating was hard... Anyway, just wanted to ask, any advice???
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Subject:Little Rant, And A Question About Tattoos
Time:02:37 pm
I was watching tv last night, and apparently there is a tv show on that has models on it, and its like a game show. I think its to find the world's smartest model. Ben Stein hosts it. A plate of food is places in front of the models, and if they get the question right, or maybe its wrong, the model has to eat. How awful is that? Not that the model has to eat the food, but that it is enforcing bad food habits for people. On top of that, they have a model with a plate of food in front of her saying that if she does well (or badly) then she must eat whether she wants to or not. And then you have the whole thing about how models starve themselves and all... Which is offensive to me as a person who is recovered from my ed and I'm also an amatuer model, so that just pisses me off even more. I used to like Ben Stein too... now I'm angry that he would participate in such a show. Maybe he's broke? I wish that the media wouldn't make fun of people with eating disorders. Eating disorders are the most deadly mental disorder, even more deadly than suicide and depression, and I've never heard anyone in the media openly making fun of people who commit suicide. I've heard people make fun of cutters, people who have schizophrenia, and things like that, but that isn't right either. People are so insensitive.

Putting that aside, I would like to do something positive for myself. I am looking to get tattooed soon. I recently saw an episode of LA Ink where a girl went to the tattoo shop and got a flower or something tattooed on her back with the NEDA symbol or something like that, because she had recovered from her ed and she wanted to commemorate that and everything. I thought it was a really good idea... and I don't want to copy the same thing that she did, but I am thinking of doing something similar. I was wondering if anyone else has gotten a tattoo to help them feel empowered or if anyone has any ideas for a design or something.
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Subject:Eating disorder bloggers wanted for survey
Time:12:26 pm
I am a current graduate student researching the social history of food-related disorders, inspired, in large part, from my own struggles with anorexia and bulimia.  I'm conducting an anonymous survey of bloggers who blog about eating disorders or eating disorder recovery in partnership with a clinical psychologist for joint research and publication purposes.

I'm hoping our survey generates lots of responses so that our findings are well-rounded, inclusive and convincing.  The only two requirements are that you must have an active blog and that it must address, at least in part, your experiences with an eating disorder.  I'm hoping for responses from people of all ages and genders who are in all stages of recovery and who suffer from a diversity of eating disorders, from anorexia to binge eating disorder to ed-nos to orthorexia. 

If the scope of the study pertains to your own experiences, I invite you to participate by taking it.  More information and a survey link can be found here or http://the-f-word.org/blog/index.php/2008/03/23/eating-disordered-bloggers-wanted-for-survey/

Thank you!

Rachel Richardson
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Subject:Family
Time:09:11 am
I'm staying with my parents over Easter, as is my sister. My sister, when she first saw me, said I was looking skinnier. I'm still 147 pounds. That's not skinny by anyone's definition (even though there is a decent amount of muscle there).

My mum's comments were along the lines of, "You're doing really well, but there's still a way to go."

My mum's also been going on about my master's project. After all this time, it would be a great shame if I don't get a first. I've averaged a first for most of my degree, I need to keep up the effort or I'll slip down to a 2:1. Most people would be happy with a 2:1! The vast majority of employers think that a 2:1 from a good university is a great degree to have and I'm at one of the best universities for computer science. But apparently, what's good enough for Google and Microsoft isn't good enough for my mum.

It's like I'm right back where I was when I was doing my GCSE's. Back to feeling that it would be the end of the world if I got an A rather than an A*. (For those who don't know the English system for GCSE's, the grades go A*, A, B, C etc.).

I just want to scream at my mum sometimes.

She doesn't know I've had an ED. She does know I tried to kill myself while I was studying for my GCSE's. You'd think that would maybe convince her to take the pressure off a bit. Apparently not. She knows I'm clever, so my grades have to be perfect.
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[icon] A Place for the RecoverED
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
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You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries