One of the final year psychology students here is doing an experiment on body image and I agreed to take part.
She took two pictures of me, one in my normal clothes and one in a swimsuit. Then the pictures were put into a computer program that altered them so that some were made fatter and some thinner. I had to look at the pictures and decide which of them had been made to look fatter and which were made to look thinner. Some were only changed slightly, some were really obviously altered.
The ones in my normal clothes were fine. The swimsuit ones were a different matter. Even the ones that were made to be a whole lot thinner than I really am, I looked at and thought that my thighs looked hideously fat.
I consider myself recovered. Even when I have a really bad day and fall back to binging, I know I'm nothing like I was a few years ago.
So I'm wondering, will I ever be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I have a good life. I have friends and a boyfriend and I'm doing well with my uni work. But that's not enough. Will I ever look at my reflection and not think I look fat?
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