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Subject:Body Image Experiment
Time:07:02 pm
One of the final year psychology students here is doing an experiment on body image and I agreed to take part.

She took two pictures of me, one in my normal clothes and one in a swimsuit. Then the pictures were put into a computer program that altered them so that some were made fatter and some thinner. I had to look at the pictures and decide which of them had been made to look fatter and which were made to look thinner. Some were only changed slightly, some were really obviously altered.

The ones in my normal clothes were fine. The swimsuit ones were a different matter. Even the ones that were made to be a whole lot thinner than I really am, I looked at and thought that my thighs looked hideously fat.

I consider myself recovered. Even when I have a really bad day and fall back to binging, I know I'm nothing like I was a few years ago.

So I'm wondering, will I ever be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I have a good life. I have friends and a boyfriend and I'm doing well with my uni work. But that's not enough. Will I ever look at my reflection and not think I look fat?

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Subject:Hello!
Time:10:15 pm
I am so glad that I found this community! I am new here so I wanted to introduce myself. I am a recovered anorexic. I dabbled in bulimia but I couldn't stand throwing up, so I don't really consider that part of my ed. I still struggle every day. A lot of people think that "getting over" an ed is like recovering from... I dunno, the flu or something. That once the symptoms are gone and you are "normal" again you are all better, but in reality you struggle with it forever. I do anyway, I think we all do. I have the urge sometimes to not eat, but I fight it really hard. Then I have days, weeks, and sometimes months at a time when I don't even think about it. When I am under a lot of stress though I do have more urges to go back to my ed. I was never as militant about it as some of the other girls who have anorexia, and I honestly didn't even know I had it, and once I found out I had it I began trying to cure myself of it. I never wanted it. I am so scared of going back to my ed that when I do forget to eat sometimes I berate myself for it because I am so afraid that I will like the feeling of an empty stomach again, but then I eat something and I realize I'm just being too hard on myself. Does anyone else have that same problem?

So a little background. Um. It started early for me. I was about 8 years old when I had it and I finally conquered it around 18. I haven't starved myself once since then and I'm 21. I feel really proud of myself for that. My recovery began around 14 when I realized that I had anorexia. I didn't know much about it until I had to research on it for a paper. That's how I found out, after that I started trying to figure out how to get better. I never went to see a professional about it, I like to think I cured myself of it. A lot of my friends didn't know and they still don't because I was able to keep it such a big secret. Even in my family only my two parents know.

I recently was inspired to find more people who have recovered like me because I wrote another paper on who society views people with eating disorders. I posted it in my journal in a friends only entry. If you would like to read it you can add me as a friend. I also did some research on NEDA and one night I was watching LA Ink and I saw a girl get a tattoo that was the NEDA logo to help remind her of her recovery and not to go back to her ed. It was a really beautiful and touching story and it kind of inspired me. I thought it was really brave of her to be open about it and go on television and everything. I don't know if I could ever do that.

So I have some questions I have been thinking about lately. I hope no one is offended by them. Please know that I don't mean anything harmful by these questions.

When you recovered from your ed do you find yourself still struggling with it sometimes? Do you think that maybe you haven't really fully recovered or do you worry about going back to the way you were before? Do the people who know you have struggled with it still ask you about it or worry when you have little appetite or anything?

Since your recovery have you been inspired to help others with an ed, or are you afraid to reach out to others in the fear that it might trigger you? Or are you afraid of people knowing you once had an ed?

Since your recovery do you think that something else, a vice if you will, has replaced the ed as a security blanket of sorts? Mine was a security blanket to me, and now that I don't starve myself I find myself doing other things to be a comfort. I drink sometimes, I used to get into bad relationships, I smoked for a little while, I did a lot of things I probably shouldn't have been doing to kind of take the place of my ed. Now I focus on hobbies and school, but for a long time I was just looking for something to fill the void. Does anyone else feel this way or have felt this way? If so, what have you done to replace your ed, or to fill the void or whatever?

Thanks for your support, and thanks for answering my questions in advance.
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Subject:I should have known not to go
Time:07:56 pm
 It was a friend's birthday party today. I say friend rather than acquaintence, but he's about on the boarderline. Most of the people there were definitely more acquaintences than friends. We were crammed into a room not designed to hold even half as many people. I can somewhat enjoy these sort of parties... if I'm in the right mood and they're with the right crowd of people.

Unfortunately, I was tired before it started and most of the guests are the sort of people who don't feel that it's a party unless they've drunk half their body weight in alcohol. I'm teetotal. So I was sitting there, feeling awkward and out of place as everyone else was getting increasingly more drunk.

I left early, into the wind and rain. Naturally, I spent the first part of the walk wondering if people had noticed I'd left and realised how utterly anti-social I was. So I went into the shop instead of walking past.

I know I'm better. I may have picked up biscuits and chocolate, but I put them back on the shelf. One granola bar, a milky way and a boiled sweet does not count as a binge by any definition. But the fact remains that my first instinct on feeling awkward and out of place was to go and buy food.

Does this ever go away?

Edit: Now I check my friends page to find someone who is definitely a friend and not an acquaintence is complaining that no one but her turned up to creative writing group. That's where I would have been if I hadn't gone to the party.

So now I feel guilty as well as socially inept.
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Subject:looking for participants
Time:01:15 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
hi everyone,

this is just another post to try to get more people interested in participating in my masters thesis project on eating disorders. i pasted the info below. so far, i have 22 people who are participating. i would LOVE to get more so that my results have more validity. if you know of a friend who might be interested, please show them this post or have them e-mail me (plainsong76@gmail.com). also, if you know of any online forums i could post this to, i'd appreciate the input.

thanks again!
-kristina :)




IN NEED OF PARTICIPANTS FOR GRAD SCHOOL PROJECT!!

My name is Kristina and I am in my first year of a masters program at Cambridge College (Lawrence, MA). I will be earning my M.Ed. in Mental Health Counseling and hope to work within the field of eating disorders.

Having dealt with an eating disorder myself for the past 15 years, I have had many experiences that have helped shape my view of the current treatment modalities in use for these disorders.

My project (a thesis, really) concerns the mind/body split that occurs in people with eating disorders, and the ramifications of that split: a lost sense of identity for the individual. I will also be examining the influential role that treatment providers have with regard to this lost sense of identity and some of the dangers that can ensue from the client (patient)/therapist (treatment provider) relationship.

I am looking for volunteers to participate in an anonymous questionnaire for my project. Your name and all info about you will remain anonymous- I will be utilizing the data I collect from the questionnaires to draw conclusions about the anorexic/bulimic experience. I do ask that you supply your e-mail so that I may send you a copy of the questionnaire and so that you can send me the answers and any other correspondence should either of us request it from one another.

The questionnaire will be distributed sometime in February, via e-mail.

If you are interested in assisting me with my project, I ask that you please send me the answers to the following preliminary questions (as well as the e-mail address you would like me to send the questionnaire to). My e-mail address is: plainsong76@gmail.com


1) Your age

2) Type of eating disorder

3) Duration of the eating disorder

4) Amount of time spent in a residential treatment program (if you don’t mind giving me the name of the program, that would help out a lot!)

5) Amount of time spent in outpatient treatment/therapy (please be specific about which you are talking about)



Thank you in advance for your assistance, and I look forward to your important contribution to my project!



Sincerely,
Kristina
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Subject:Hi there
Time:09:33 pm
A few years ago, I had bulimia. Now, I consider myself recovered. Yes, I have bad days and a lot of the tendencies linger, but my last major binge was several months ago.

A few random comments on ED's from a friend (who doesn't know I was a sufferer) got me thinking hard on the subject. I realised how lucky I am to be more or less recovered. I would like to help to people who are still suffering. I've written about my experiences on review sites in case some fellow-sufferer reads it and can take comfort but I've decided to try and write a novel with a bulimic as the main character.

This isn't a completely out of the blue idea. I enjoy creative writing and have written a novel (as yet, unpublished) just not about anything so deeply personal. Obviously, a lot about the main character's feelings and actions will be based on my experiences, but I don't want this to be anything close to autobiographical. It will be hard enough to write about the subject as it is, so the character and her setting will be completely fictional.

I would really appreciate it if people could give me some information about their experiences, particularly about how they started suffering. The reason is, I don't remember starting to be bulimic. For a long time, I was convinced I wasn't, because I never forced myself to throw up (I would starve myself, exercise like crazy and take diet pills, but never enduce vomit). This means that, seven years later, I can't remember when it was I went from snacking to binging.

Even though the characters and story will be fictional, I would like the suffering to be as real as possible. Anything you feel like sharing would be useful, whether about bulimia or other ED's.

If you feel like sharing your experiences, please email me on punctuationprecise(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)uk

I've replaced the punctuation to stop it getting grabbed by automatic spammers.
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Subject:anyone belong to somethingfishy website?
Time:03:45 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
MASTERS PROJECTCollapse )
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Subject:MASTERS PROJECT
Time:01:28 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
updateCollapse )
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Subject:MASTERS PROJECT
Time:07:53 pm
Current Mood:thankfulthankful
missing info...Collapse )
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Subject:MASTERS PROJECT
Time:04:40 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
MASTERS PROJECTCollapse )
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Subject:ed masters project
Time:07:17 am
hi to all those who agreed to participate in my masters project for my graduate program in psychology. i just wanted to give you the option, if you feel more comfortable, of giving me your e-mail address (so your questionnaire answers are not publicly posted on livejournal). it's completely up to you (i can do it either way). those who are in so far:




cry_for_you

behindmyeyes14

wellwithin

dis_x_enchanted

leonola

jek_nine

acrolinz

irish_eyes_29

lavender_mist

charliechic

threesqueezes




so, if you could please let me know if you'd rather have the questionnaire sent to you personally (via your e-mail--this would also be helpful for me as it would be a less muttled way to communicate- but up to you). so if you are fine with using your e-mail to take the questionnaire, please e-mail me: plainsong76@gmail.com if you're not comfortable with this, no need to do anything and i will just post the questionnaire online via this livejournal community (either way).



those of you i need answers to the initial questions (these were posted to you individually):



irish_eyes_29

lavender_mist

charliechic

threesqueezes




thank you. i am so excited about the project and can't wait to get started!

-kristina :)
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[icon] A Place for the RecoverED
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